


Maria Sparkles

by glyph_zero



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: And sighs a lot, I'm sure someone has done this before, I'm writing too much crack, Maria has a pretty singing voice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glyph_zero/pseuds/glyph_zero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>„So“ Tony said, furiously chewing „Story Time“<br/>Steve looked up, interested<br/>„What do you wanna know“ Clint asked with a full mouth, earning him a gentle slap from Natasha.</p>
<p>Tony thought for a second and then grinned „Most embarrassing cover story and/or Costume to hide behind!“</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maria Sparkles

It was „Paperwork Day“ and the Avengers, Fury, Coulson and Hill were sitting in one of the smaller conference rooms abort the Helicarrier. Eating lunch. Chinese Takeout. 

It was amazing to just were these places could deliver. Though it was a bit disconcerting that the delivery guy managed to breach the security of a flying superhero fortress.

„So“ Tony said, furiously chewing „Story Time“  
Steve looked up, interested  
„What do you wanna know“ Clint asked with a full mouth, earning him a gentle slap from Natasha.  
Tony thought for a second and then grinned „Most embarrassing Coverstory and/or Costume to hide behind!“ 

„Okay“ Fury drawled „You start, Stark“

„Fundraising Gala I wanted to get away from. I donned Pepper's dress and a wig and left on Happy's arm“ Tony said promptly, knowing no shame.

Fury sighed defeated „First year junior agent. Ballet“

Clint, Bruce and Steve all choked on their food.  
Natasha's mouth had been empty so she merely stopped eating, while Thor looked confused.

Tony's face lit up with unholy glee.

„Forget it Stark, all evidence is gone“

„Information _never_ dies!“ 

„WHAT IS THIS MIGHTY BALLET YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, MY FRIENDS?“  
While Jarvis began to quietly explain with videos in popped up holograms, the round continued.

„Budapest“ Clint said and left it at that

Bruce shrugged „As a travelling monk. Shaved head and all“

Natasha shuddered „Kindergarten Teacher. Glitter. Glitter _everywhere_ “

„WHAT IS...“ Holographic Glitter rained down around Thor who stared in childlike wonder.

„Theatre“ Coulson said „I was Peter Pan“ That was the first one to get some laughs.

Tony chuckled „You and spandex, eh?“ 

Phil shook his head ruefully. „The Wendy kept pinching my ass“

„Aww“ Clint drawled „poor baby“ He cupped Coulson's face and kissed his husband, to the happy smiles of his teammates.

„My turn“ Steve said

„Oh, oh I know“ Tony said „An eagle scout“  
„ A Priest“  
„A _Nun_ “  
„A MIGHTY HERO“  
„ A Knight in Shining Armour“

Steve smiled a little evilly „While in Paris I visited the resistance and posed as a...how do you call it these days? As a callboy“

Everyone stared, even Coulson and Fury.

„I'm Torn between Steve and Oneyes“ Tony announced, while a smug looking Steve continued eating his Chow mein.

Maria sighed. „Were not done yet are we?“

Tony gave her a shrewd look „What? You've got something better then _that_?“

Maria cringed a little „First internship, I was sixteen and had to pose as a certain female...uh, cliché“

Coulson and Fury suppressed their grins while the others eyed her speculatively.

„Shotgun Wedding“ Tony called a second before Clint's „Porn Star“. The two men looked at each other. Their eyes narrowed.

„Wedding!“  
„Pornstar!“  
„Wedding!“  
„Pornstar“  
„Porny Wedding!“  
„Wedding Porn!“

Maria took a deep breath and began to type on her tablet. After a few moments she pulled a video up and silently started it.

Everyone leaned forward to see better, even Phil and Fury who had already seen this. Several times, no doubt.

„Please, Mr. Johnson, I'm sorry I was a bad girl. Please don't give me detention. Isn't there something I can do to make it up to you?“

„a-HA!“ Clint said, stabbing at the paused video and grinning at Tony. „Told ya“

„It's not finished yet“ Maria said and stoically met the eyes of everyone with the same expression as if she were facing a firing squad.  
„JARVIS, continue please“

„I know, how about I sing you a song!“

„What“ Steve said blankly. Maria closed her eyes in pain. And then it began.

„Let's go to the Mall everybody!  
Come on Jessica, come on Tory...  


When it was finally over once again every person in the room was staring at her with mask like expressions. 

As usual Tony opened his mouth first.

_Here it comes_

„Maria Sparkles?“

Hill sighed „I was a teenage popstar in Canada, in the nineties. I had just one hit song, but that was enough to get me close to my target. And to provide a cover ever since then. When I'm discovered, I just have to play innocent. What? No sir I'm not following you. Listen, don't you know who I am? I'm Maria Sparkles! And then they have pity with me and I'm harmless again“

There was still no movement in the faces opposite her.

„You have a...pretty voice?“ Tony tried carefully.

„Nice smile“ Clint added hastily.

„It was a...catchy tune“ Natasha said, clearly scraping the bottom of her popculture vocabulary.

Again Maria sighed. „Sir with you permission I would like to return to work“

„Of course, agent“ he answered gravelly, without moving a muscle, god bless him.

Agent Hill, Second in command of SHIELD, one of the, if not THE most powerful woman in the world, took her belongings, the rest of her food and left the conference room with high held head and a straight spine to a ringing, stony silence.

She passed the door. 

_At least they had the decency not to laugh..._

The door closed and Maria pretended to ignore the explosion of laughter that happened on the other side.

_...out loud_

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> Paperwork Day is probably a stupid name and/or concept but I needed a reason for them to all be together
> 
> Also, I'm feeling really tempted right now to write about Takeout Delivery Guy, who manages to deliver to the Helicarrier.
> 
> (He's my new secret hero)


End file.
